The life-changing journey through pregnancy, birth and parenting is unpredictable, disorderly and mostly out of everyone’s control–which naturally makes us worry. It’s easy to avoid or ignore our worries, or to hyper-attach ourselves to them by over-researching, having a rigid birth plan (read our previous blog post on this topic), and obsessively seeking others’ opinions. Unfortunately, none of these tactics help us cope with the realities of what we are facing.

Well-intentioned friends and family may tell you “don’t worry” and “be positive.” This won’t help you learn how to face the unknown. So how can you build resilience and resourcefulness in the face of worry, and keep your fears from holding you back?

Engage in honest self-inquiry via journaling.

Ask yourself what you specifically fear most, and what if it actually happened. Write it down. Play it in your mind like a movie scene. How might it feel in your body? What do you imagine doing to get through it? What might you need from others around you? What can you tell yourself about what’s happening that is helpful and self-compassionate? This realistic appraisal can help you problem-solve by seeking guidance, getting support and finding solutions.

Educate yourself, but not obsessively so.

Avoid “Dr. Google” and the social media rabbit hole. Find sources that are evidence-based and unbiased (we love Evidence-Based Birth and Childbirth Connection) rather than opinionated and alarmist, which feeds on peoples’ fears and may create a sense of panic. 

Find your village

Surround yourself with folks whose sole agenda is to support you and your choices, rather than push an agenda from their own emotional baggage and pass judgment on your decisions.

Prepare with classes

Take doula-led classes that support independent research and help you prepare for whatever unfolds, rather than how to achieve a specific outcome or how to be a “good patient.” (This is the focus of most hospital-led classes.)

Listen to your instincts.

They’re never stronger than when you’re growing/birthing/raising a child. What is your gut telling you about others’ advice (including that of your medical team)? They may have expertise but they don’t know you and their advice may not suit you. 

Worries are normal

Acknowledge that your worries and fears are normal parts of preparing to face the unknown. *All* your feelings are valid. Giving yourself permission to feel them and seeing them as a normal part of your journey can help shift your framework and help you build strength and coping power.

Remember: *everyone* worries about these life-changing journeys–even the people on social media who come off as totally relaxed about them. Taking just a small step towards facing the reality of your worries, rather than pushing them away, can help you build coping capacity, open your heart and mind to resiliency, and accept what is out of your control. 

Contact us for info on our evidence-based birth, parenting and lactation classes, or to learn more about our doula services.